Thursday, February 21, 2008
In “Bird by Bird,” Anne Lamott wrote in passing that kids make lousy roommates and as much as we love them, it’s true. Let me count the ways… at least 13 of them.
1. They are messy eaters. In a post long ago and far away (click here) I complained, yes! complained, that The Baby was such a neat eater. No Kodak moments for us. Now The Baby regularly has hair mats caused by sweet potatoes or oatmeal and has a hit/miss ratio of about 70/30 as far as getting the food to his mouth.
2. They fall over their own feet (or knees, or toys, or nothing at all) and bump their head. Withstanding that one chick who couldn’t hold her alcohol that you roomed with in college, roommates are expected to be much more coordinated.
3. You don’t have to cut your roommates fingernails.
4. Your roommate didn’t scratch his face when he forgot to cut his fingernails and make you feel like a bad roommate.
5. Roommates pick up after themselves.
6. Okay, scratch that. They usually don’t.
7. Your roommate doesn’t suddenly head butt you, making you bite your tongue.
8. Roommates don’t get all up in your face and smile and be cute and then belch. It only happened once. Ick.
9. Babies like to eat the remote. And they aren’t easily fooled. Not only does The Baby have a brightly colored toy remote that makes noise, he has “real” toy remotes from VCRs and stereos that we no longer have. Does he eat those? Heck, no.
10. Whining. Ugghhh… The Baby is starting to whine when he wants to do something, eat something or be somewhere and he can’t figure how to get what he wants. I empathize, but I was still hoping that our precious baby would never whine.
11. Babies don’t travel well. Your roommate was probably always fun to go on road trips with, not so your dear child. For one they can’t take turns driving on road trips. Fair enough, but than there is a double-edged sword: sleep. I know this from experience, if The Baby sleeps the entire way to your in-laws (nine hours), he will not sleep right for the duration of the trip. If they don’t sleep, they’re bored. Bored 10 month old = tears. See number 10.
12. Roommates don’t wake up at 3 a.m. and stand on their bed and cry. At least not that you know of.
13. Tub poop. Enough said.
Feel free to comment with your own! I love to know what I am in for and love to reminisce about what I no longer have to deal with!