Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Working Mom's Guilt

I'm a career mom. Sometimes I like it, sometimes I hate it.

I enjoy the people I work with, I like to get out of the house, I like to make money, I like to have a "career," I like that my child gets to be with other kids during the day. On the other hand, I hate that my job is no longer creative, I hate feeling like I don't see The Baby enough, I hate it when I feel like I DO see him enough (we all have those days, right? right?!?), I hate knowing that I may never be the mom strolling her children through the park or packing them up for the pool to pass a summer weekday (Mom, if you are reading, I LOVED that and CHERISH those memories). I hate the guilt.

So, why did I send my kid to daycare yesterday on the one day I have off? I wanted to sleep in, that's why. But I wasn't going to get off that easy. On Sunday, I stayed up until 2 a.m. reading blogs and writing about my husband's wonderful, if ill-measured, cat door. Then I watched "Family Guy" on Adult Swim. Finally, I went to bed. Just as soon as I got into deep sleep, The Baby started to wake up every 30 minutes or so, then at 5:30 a.m. he was up for good. *sigh* So, I was up until 8 a.m. when hubby took The Baby to daycare. I then fell back asleep until 10:30. Bliss.

I took my time getting showered and dressed and picked up The Baby--I did want to spend the day with him, just after I got a little shut eye. Then I did something that I've been doing way too much, I went to McDonald's. Gah... but that's another post.

Living room picnics are the best
Anyway, it turned out good. Totally worth the calories. We got home and I sat down on the floor at the coffee table. The Baby stood along side of me snacking on puffs, while I ate my hamburger and drank my iced coffee.

Since it's unseasonably warm, The Baby and I pretended to be picnicking outside: the couch, which we were facing, was a lake, the floor lamp was a tree with the sun behind it... you get the picture.

Then something very un-The Baby-like happened -- he crawled up into my lap. He sat there contentedly listening to me chatter about our picnic. This may not seem like a big deal, but my kid isn't a lap-kid. While he's quite sweet, he has an aloof independent side that he may have learned from the cat. At first, I thought it was a mistake -- The Baby must be trying to crawl over me, not onto me. I even took him off my lap to help him out! But he just looked at me as if to say, "Woman, are you nuts? Put me back. I was exactly where I wanted to be." I did. We enjoyed are picnic immensely.

In fact, it was the best lunch date I ever had. Who says that you can’t have the best of both worlds?


Jerseygirl89 said...

Oh God, I love the lap sitting. I miss it now that my two are older and would much rather have me play trains with them than sit still on my lap.

30 Minute Mommy said...

I enjoyed your post. I have been on maternity leave for five months and I go back to work next week. Little Eliza will head to daycare and I will enter the world of the working mother. I can totally see why you used day care on your day off. You need to take care of yourself if you want to take care of your baby.

ADB said...

LOL @ "I hate it when I feel like I DO see him enough" - I have those days, I'm glad I'm not the only one!