White noise and middle-of-the-night fun

For the past nine months we’ve been able to rely on one thing to calm The Baby down: white noise, namely radio/TV static. In the throws of a crying jag (he was VERY colicky), we cranked the fuzz and The Baby calmed down almost immediately. I remember a time when he was about 1.5 months old, I was in the den with the TV blaring static for well over an hour. I couldn’t even turn the volume down for 30 seconds or crying would ensue. My head hurt, I was emotionally numb, and the static began to feel like a soundtrack to a really shitty day. I think my right eye was twitching. I’m not sure. It’s the closest I’ve ever felt to being completely mentally incompetent.

Whoa… Anyway, static had always been the answer. The Baby never accepted a paci, scoffed at the womb sounds bear (sorry, grandma!), and broke out of swaddles. We depended on the static. Now, sadly, it doesn’t work. When he cries out in the middle of the night (the only time we really need it now), we can no longer crank the static, pat his back and get him back to sleep. If he wakes up crying, by the time we get to him, he is usually already in full crawl position or – worse – he’s standing. Static has zero effect on a partially- or fully-standing baby. It’s also very hard to get a baby who doesn’t want to lie back down into a position where sleep is possible, much less probable.

Luckily, The Baby doesn’t wake up often at night and stay up for more than a minute, maybe once or twice a week. I’m trying to get him use to a lovey to help calm him down when he does wake, but so far no real luck. This morning he woke up crying at 1:30 a.m. I tried to tuck his lovey into his arms (after strong-arming him off of all fours) and he went from crying to screaming at the mere sight of the thing. He’s on to me. I also have one of those aquarium rain forest crib soothers. No real luck with that either, though he likes it while he's awake.

If you would have told me eight months ago when I was slipping off the gentle slope of sanity that I’d long for the day when I could crank a steady stream of crackling, hissing and popping full blast, I’d have laughed. Either that or I’d have fallen on the floor in a fetal position. That was a very iffy day for me.


ALSO, totally, off topic, but do you guys know that there is a country song called, “Honky Tonk Badonkadonk”? LOL… yikes!